Last Sunday I preached on the topic “What Do Our Children Require of Us?” In this sermon, I pointed out that the consensus of professionals in the field of child development is that perhaps the majority of children in this country are not getting the care that they need in order to grow into healthy adults. These researchers point to a troubling shift in child-rearing patterns since1970′s, saying that since then there has been a huge increase in the numbers of babies and young children being cared for in daycare, the great majority of which is unsatisfactory. This conclusion is overwhelming, if you look at the literature. On Monday, I received a call from a congregant, a mom who has her child in day care, complaining that my sermon had “made her feel guilty.” I knew this response was a risk I took in preaching this sermon, because women have been guilt-tripped forever about the needs of their children. If the child has a problem of any kind, look no further than the mother, the “experts” have said, for a very long time. This has been a heavy burden to bear–it was for me when I was a single mother, and it is for all moms–and I don’t wish to add to that burden. (The current literature, incidentally, is not “mom-centric,” but more focused on policy.)
I went on to say in the sermon that I do not consider the daycare problem something that resulted from the women’s movement. I went on to characterize the problem as a systemic one, referring to national priorities and policies, both in government and in business. I tried to be clear about this perspective–but the guilt button is easy to push.
So for you moms out there in cyberland–I know from experience that we all balance a tremendous load of responsiblity, and it’s easy to blame ourselves when we can’t do it all. Own only what is yours to own, and no more. Understand that we are living in a culture that doesn’t really value children and families, so families must struggle in a very difficult context. Families that have money have more choices; families in which two parents can share the care of children have more leeway; families in work situations that allow them to stay home part or all of the time find child-rearing easier. But there are those families who have a single mother working two jobs to survive, no interested dad, no extended family around to pick up the slack. These moms have no choice but daycare, and that daycare should be a lot better than it currently is, and that is the responsibility of all of us.
Let me end by repeating what I called for at the beginning of my sermon: “So what is it that children require of us? I think they require three things: (1) to feel safe, (2) to feel loved, and (3) to feel hope. Children get these qualities from consistent positive contact from stable, loving adults.” I hope all of us, parents and non-parents alike, will concern ourselves with the cultural and political changes that are needed for our children to grow into healthy, productive, loving adults.
