My cat Molly has a psychological problem, most likely, the vet says.  I have a new friend, and Molly feels she has been displaced in my affections.  To some extent, I have to say she is correct.  It’s not that I don’t love and adore her, but she is no longer number one.

The problem is that, in order to show her displeasure, Molly has taken to urinating on the kitchen rug.  Or worse.  My initial response was to put her nose in the offending matter and say, “Bad kitty, bad kitty!” and put her outside.  That seemed to work for a few days, but then she would go back to these unpleasant forms of self-expression.

So when I took Molly to the vet, he wanted to give her a urinalysis, to be sure that she didn’t have a physiological problem.  That in itself was an ordeal, in that it required Molly’s staying all afternoon at the vet’s (for which I had to pay a “boarding fee”), so they could get a sample–but she never did pee, so I had to take her home and through some subterfuge, get the sample myself.  When all is said and done, a cat urinalysis is more expensive than a human one. 

Anyway, as I said, the vet thinks Molly’s problem is most likely not physiological, but rather emotional–stress-related.  He said, “We may have to put Molly on Prozac.”  He went on to say that some cat owners were reluctant to put their pets on Prozac, because they were afraid that it might change the cat’s personality.  I guess my opinion is that there are some aspects of Molly’s personality (like hate and revenge) that I wouldn’t mind changing.  Of course another option would be for the cat owner to take Prozac so as not to be upset about their pet ruining the rugs. 

One friend was aghast at the suggestion that Molly should be on an anti-depressant, and suggested that she be given “talk therapy.”  That’s a tough one, since cats and humans speak different languages–but as my friend said, if there is a horse whisperer, couldn’t there be a cat whisperer?  Maybe so, but cats just don’t give a damn.  Molly has never really seemed to care if I am inconvenienced or upset–she just wants more of what she wants.  Well, she is a cat.

I’m not sure which way I will go.  I already give her tons of love and affection, but it is never enough.  She wants to be restored to her position of number one.  Nothing less will do.  So which way will I go?  Will a cat whisperer be engaged (no doubt at an enormous price)?  Will I seek out a pet therapist–and perhaps a masseuse–to reduce Molly’s stress (again, for big bucks)?  Or will Molly be blissed out on Prozac (a relatively cheap solution) and think to herself, “Life is good!  I’ve never been happier–for some reason.”  Stay tuned.